I lay awake in my cold bed, disturbed by
every little creak and noise. My twin
brother, Aridan is out hunting for the food we will need to survive the winter,
leaving our small house uncomfortably empty.
And although I would never admit it to him, I hate being left here
alone. In truth, if we didn’t need
someone to watch over our farm I would never let him go off into the
neighboring woods without me.
On top of the uneasiness I feel,
something has been gnawing at the pit of my stomach all day. I know that Aridan will be coming home soon. Even though I’m not certain how I know this,
I do know that it’s too soon. Of course
I’ll be happy to see him safe and at home but he has never cut a hunt short
before. So I can’t help but to worry
that something terrible has happened.A crack of thunder sounds in the distance, rattling the windows. I’ve come to the conclusion now that I won’t be getting any sleep tonight. So I put my feet down on a floor that feels cold even though I’ve doubled up on socks. I start to head towards the kitchen, but before I can reach the doorway I begin to shiver. So pull the blankets from my bed around my shoulders.
I toss another log on the fire and then wait for the cinders to settle back down before reaching out to warm my hands. As I’m standing there the storm continues to pound down on the roof. Soon the cold air will turn the rain into snow. And this year—more than any other—I fear we may starve because of it.
The fury I feel with our father for leaving us swells up as I think of our unstable future. Aridan is always quick to point out that our mother actually went away first. But he left us here alone, somehow expecting his fourteen year-olds to fend for ourselves. For the first year he was gone we expected him to return, over the last two years however I’ve lost hope.
Thunder draws me suddenly from my ponderings and my fear for my brother’s safety returns. Even with the worsening weather I have half a mind to get after him. But if nothing is actually wrong all I’ll really accomplish is soaking myself. I need something to distract myself, so I begin putting away the meager amount of food we’ve canned.
When the hail begins to fall a few minutes later I abandon my task. Carefully setting a couple jars of carrots on the counter, I move to stare from the window that overlooks the forest. With each strike of lightning I silently pray that I will see Aridan bounding towards me. I glance up at the moon to check the time, but it—of course—is hidden by dark clouds. When I look back down I see that for once my prayers have been answered.
His distant silhouette is small against the giant trees behind him, but I still know it is Aridan. Lightning strikes again, illuminating the landscape for less than a second, but it is enough for me to notice that his hands are empty. My heart sinks and my brain begins to panic, even though I remain frozen at my post. Tomorrow—I decide—we will have to try something different.
The sky lights up again and I notice that Aridan is now running through the field that we used to plant potatoes this year. I don’t see anything chasing him but I spring into action anyway. Within mere seconds I have shed my blankets, grabbed my bow and a quiver of arrows and am bolting through the door. I run as quickly as my legs will carry me, and even though I still see no threat I worry I won’t reach Aridan in time.
Our eyes lock, and he says something but the storm drowns him out. I have an arrow notched, ready to strike but still nothing emerges from the tree line.
“What are you doing Abidence?” he screams over the howling winds, pointing to my weapon.
“I thought you were being chased by a wolf or something.”
“I wish.”
“What? Why would you—“ I start to ask, but he cuts me off.
“Let’s go inside!” he states, grabbing my hand and leading me back towards the house.
Confused, I follow him back towards the house, unable to resist looking over my shoulder a few times.
“What is going on Aridan?” I demand as he locks the door behind us.
“I was stalking a buck this morning and I stumbled across a group of soldiers.”
“Soldiers? From where?”
“I’m not sure. But I overheard a couple of them talking. They said that they’re carrying some box to a man named Prateus.”
“Prateus? Why does that name sound familiar?”
“I don’t know, but I recognized it too.”
“So what made you run away?”
“At first I just tried to sneak away. But there was one I hadn’t noticed who spotted me and called the others to come after me.”
“So they’re on their way here?”
“I’m pretty sure I lost them a few miles back, but I didn’t think it would be a good idea to stay out there right now.”
“That was probably a good idea,” I assure him, “You look tired.”
“Gee, thanks. You look great too.”
“I just meant that you should get some sleep.” I sigh, trying not to let him see how worried I am.
“I know, you too.”
“I will, I just…”
“What is it?”
“I’m trying to figure out what we’re going to eat all winter.”
“Oh… I’m pretty sure I found where that buck I was tracking is bedding down. So I’ll just go back and see if I can find him again.”
“Did he see you there?”
“Yeah, but—“
“Then you know he won’t go back there.”
“Maybe not, but it looked like there was a small herd sleeping there. So something’s bound to be close.”
“Really?”
“Yes Abidence. You’re really scared aren’t you?” he asks, wrapping his arm around my shoulders.
“Yeah, when I saw you coming back empty handed I really started to panic.” I admit, willing myself not to release the tears I feel welling up behind my eyes.
“I’m sorry. Let’s get some sleep and worry about this in the morning. Okay?”
“Yeah, but the bedrooms are already freezing.”
“Well I guess we’ll sleep out here then. Let’s get out of these wet clothes and then I’ll pull the beds out here.”
“Sounds good to me.”
Together we follow his plan and are ready for bed in a matter of minutes. With my house no longer sounding as though it were alive, I am finally able to sleep. The storm draws me from my slumber a few times, but other than that the night is uneventful.
When the morning comes I remain wrapped in the warmth of my blankets for quite some time. Only when I hear Aridan’s stomach growling do I force myself to get up. I quietly build the fire back up and then set to making breakfast. Eventually the sizzling of frying eggs wakes Aridan from his deep slumber.
Sitting up, he stretches as his belly again demands to be filled.
“Well, good morning to you too!”
“Hmm… Hey” he says groggily.
“If I didn’t know better I’d think you hadn’t eaten in a week.”
“It’s been awhile.” He mumbles, rubbing his eyes with the backs of his hands.
“Why?” I ask, spooning blackberry preserves onto two plates.
“I just forgot I guess, what with everything that was going on.”
“I guess I understand that. The water is a little icy, but it’s here if you want to wash up real quick.”
“Ugh…” he sighs, slowly pushing his blankets back. “I don’t really want to get up at all.”
“I know, but we’ve got to get out there and find some game before it snows. You can sleep all you want when we get back.” I assure him, setting our breakfast on the kitchen table.
“We?”
“Yes we. There’s no way you’re going out there alone again.”
“Fine, but I still don’t want to.”
“Do you think-” I start to ask, but decide against it before I finish the thought.
“Do I think what?”
“Nothing, never mind.”
“I know that you really just like to hear yourself talk, but I also know when something is bothering you. So spill it.”
“No, it’s not important.” I insist, digging into my eggs.
“Whatever. You know it’s too bad you’re such a bad shot, or you might actually be of some use today.”
“I’m better than you and you know it.”
“Yeah, sure.” He chides—his mouth full—trying to rile me up. Although he chooses not to employ the one tactic he knows will bother me the most.
I made Aridan twice the amount of food as I gave myself, so I finish before him. Pushing away from the table I decide to get ready to head out. My boots and jacket are dry because they remained in the house last night. Aridan’s clothes however are still dripping on the floor beside the fireplace.
I dress quickly and find Aridan still at the table. He ignores me—and the packages in my hands—as he continues to eat.
“I know it’s not until tomorrow, but I think you should have your birthday presents today.” I state, setting them on the table in front of him.
“Wow. Thanks.” He says, shoving the last of his food in his mouth before pushing the plate away.
Wiping his hands on his pant legs, he carefully pulls back the simple brown paper.
“Just how did you keep these a secret?” he asks, beaming at the clothes in his hands.
“I have my methods. Do you like them?”
“Yeah, they’re great. Thanks.”
“I hope they fit alright. I started making this last winter, but you’ve grown more. So…”
“You made these by yourself?”
“Yeah. I found some old patterns Mom had used for Dad. I had to alter them since you’re taller than he was though.”
“I’m sure they’ll be great. But what’s this one?”
“It’s yours too. Open it.”
Again he is careful with the paper, but I can tell he is more excited now. When he pulls the top off of the old box and sees what it contains however he practically jumps out of his chair.
“Boots like these are at least ten karn Abidence. How did you pay for them?”
“I’ve been saving up for them all year. I just got enough last week. Do you not like them?” I ask, afraid I’d made a mistake.
“Of course I do. I just don’t understand how you did it is all.”
“Oh, well I didn’t take anything from the seed money so don’t worry about it.”
“I—alright. These are amazing. Do you want yours now too?”
“It’s up to you.”
“I think you’d like to use them today, so I’ll go get them.”
“Okay. Why don’t you go ahead and get dressed too?”
“Yeah, I’ll be right back.”
Once Aridan is in his room I breathe a deep sigh of relief. I had worried that he would press me for answers about the money I spent on him. The last thing I want is to lie to him, but if he knew what I sold he would refuse his gifts. And he’s been in need of new shoes since the spring. I haven’t really had time to wonder what sorts of things Aridan has gotten me. But as I take a seat at the kitchen table I am growing slightly impatient. We are both quite bad at keeping secrets from each other. So the fact that neither of us knew what we’re getting is proof of just how stressed we’ve been this year.
“I couldn’t figure out a way to wrap these, so close your eyes,” Aridan states, peeking out from behind his bedroom door.
I do as he asks, eagerly waiting for my gift. He moves quietly, but I am still aware of his approach. I hear something being placed on the table in front of me and then he pats me on the shoulder. Opening my eyes I see a small burlap sack sitting beside a beautifully carved bow and a quiver full of arrows.
“Aridan!” I exclaim, picking up the bow and turning it over in my hands. “This is incredible, thank you so much!”
“You’re welcome.” He chuckles.
“But how did you make all of these without me seeing it?”
“Well, you’re not very bright. So…”
“Ha! You’re so funny. Why do you always have to ruin a nice moment?”
“Because that’s what brothers do! Open the bag.”
“Okay.” I say, gently setting the bow back on the table. Pulling back the folds of the burlap I find a pair of tan mittens lined with dark brown fur. “Oh… Aridan how..?”
“Just put them on!”
Again I follow his demand, letting the soft pelt warm my chilled skin.
“Look what they can do.” He says, pushing the tops of the mittens back revealing what looks to be gloves. Only the tips of the fingers have been removed. “I had them made so you could keep your hands warm and still be able to shoot. Do they fit okay?”
“Yeah, they’re perfect. What about your stuff?”
“Yep. The boots are great, and look,” he says, pointing to his pants “you won’t even be able to see my ankles anymore.”
“Good. Thank you so much for these. I can’t wait to test out my bow!” I almost giggle, reaching out to give him a hug.
I can tell by the way he hesitates to return my embrace that I have surprised him. Once his arms are around me however he doesn’t let me go for several seconds. I know I’ve been too distant lately, but I’m so glad to see that he isn’t upset with me for it.
“Are you ready to go now?” he asks, patting the top of my head as you would a child because he knows it will annoy me.
“Yeah, let’s go.”
Nodding his head, he sloshes some water in the fireplace. Extinguishing the flames with a loud hiss and leaving chunks of ice to melt in the ashes. He pulls on his coat—which I’m certain is still damp—and then follows me onto the back porch. I run over to the barn, and fork a little hay into the horses stalls. When I turn around I see Aridan staring up at the sky.
The sun as just begun to peek out to our right, but above our heads the stars are still quite bright. I watch him for several moments, wondering what he is thinking about. When I come to the conclusion that I still cannot read minds I move to join him. He smiles distractedly as I reach his side, and I think he is about to say something. But instead he just starts to walk towards the forest.
The trek to where he’d found the buck yesterday is to be a long one, but I find relief in the chilly air. Out here, in the wild, I feel free from the worries of running a farm. Free to be myself. When we were younger, Aridan and I had spent countless nights sleeping under the stars and dreaming about what adventures our lives might hold. With our parents gone I can’t help but to feel that our hopes of escaping this place have been crushed.
To pass the time—and to keep myself from
worrying so much—we search for smaller game to test my new bow on. The ground is soggy beneath our feet, but we
still manage to move quietly enough not to scare the animals away. By the time the sun is fully risen we both
have a couple various birds and squirrels hanging from our belts.
As we near the deer’s nesting place I am
in a better mood than I’ve had for weeks.
But that quickly changes when we realize someone had made camp in the
small clearing. Whoever had slept here
is long gone, but so are the deer.
“I
can’t believe this!” Aridan exclaims, kicking a charred log.
“Do
you think it was those soldiers?”“Maybe. I mean they chased me back this way, but I don’t see why they would have back tracked to make camp.”
“Maybe they all didn’t come after you?”
“I suppose. But it doesn’t really matter I guess. There’s no way those deer will come anywhere near here again.”
“I know. I guess will just have to keep coming out for small stuff until another one pops back out.”
“Yeah. Let’s head back just in case these idiots are still around.”
“Okay.”
We move slower on our way back,
hoping to scare up some more game along the way. Amazingly enough we do have some luck, and
are able to take down a few more birds and a couple squirrels. Because of though this we don’t reach our
land until long after the sun has set.
“I’m too tired to eat.” Aridan says, dropping
his things on the kitchen table beside mine and then falling into bed.“Okay.” I sigh as I build a fire, waiting for it to catch before piling logs inside the hearth.
I too am exhausted. So after kicking off my boots and peeling off a few layers of clothing I crawl into bed. Aridan is already snoring softly, but for me sleep is harder to find. Rolling to my stomach, I clutch my pillow tightly and try to quiet my mind. Tomorrow we will go to town to sell what goods we think we can spare—which isn’t very much—and to celebrate our birthday. But it is not excitement that keeps me awake.
Instead I find myself dreading the
rising of the sun, for I dislike seeing our neighbors and their looks of
pity. Only a handful of them had offered
any assistance over the years, but the majority of them still found they had
the right to tell us how to run our lives.
I know that because in a few hours we will be seventeen—the youngest legal
age to wed—they will expect us to start separate lives. Something I have no intention of doing
anytime soon.
I do wonder though if Aridan feels the
same way, considering that all of the unmarried women—and half of the married
ones too—seem to find him so hard to resist.
The thought of him taking a wife and starting a family bothers me, so I
try to force it from my mind. Squeezing
my eyes shut, I hum the lullaby our mother would sing to soothe my nightmares
quietly to myself. When sleep finally
does find me I have gone over the song several times.
Suddenly, I find I am lost in a deep fog. But I am aware enough to know that I am only
dreaming. All of the familiar noises of
my home slowly fade away until I am left with nothing but the sound of my heart
beating softly.
I hesitantly feel about in the haziness
as it fades into what I imagine a castle would look like. A set of steps has appeared before me, but
the bottom is too dark for me to tell where they lead. Walking cautiously down the winding staircase
I see a woman standing alone in a narrow hallway. Something about her is familiar—even though
her face is turned away from me—so I call out to her.
The walls around us are stone, so my
voice should easily carry to her. But
she doesn’t hear me. I call out again as
I—for some reason—run towards her, just before I am able to reach her though
she heads deeper down the unlit hallway.
I follow her, because I have to
know where she is going.
I can see over her shoulder that the
path is a dead end. But instead of
turning back she runs towards what I can know tell is a metal door.
“Wait.”
I say, still trying to catch up “Who are you?”She finally turns around, but her eyes—eyes I would know anywhere—look right through me.
Shocked, I watch as she turns back
to the door and tries in vain to force it open.
Clearly oblivious to my presence, she pounds on the massive door. And even though she can’t see me, I am sad
when I feel myself beginning to wake up.
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